Behaviour can tell us that a young person needs something.

They may need support, space, safety, understanding or a different approach.

Before reacting, pause and ask: what might this behaviour be telling me?

Young people deserve to be understood, not judged by one moment.

Why this matters

Our research, validated by national data, shows that Black and mixed-heritage children's behaviour can often be read wrong, leading to disciplinary action.

Government school exclusion figures show Black Caribbean children excluded at around twice the rate of their white classmates.

Adultification is when Black children are seen as older, stronger or less in need of care than other children their age. This can affect how adults respond to their behaviour, feelings and needs.

Ask yourself: am I seeing this young person as they are, or am I making an assumption about them?

When we spoke to educators, they mentioned adults who work well with Black children describe resisting this as everyday practice.

Adults may offer support and flexibility only after a young person receives a diagnosis or label. This can mean that Black children are seen through assumptions instead of being seen as they are. For example, a quiet child may be missed and an energetic child may be described as disruptive.

Every young person is different.

Stay open to learning about what matters to them, what helps them and how they want to be supported.

You do not need to have all the answers; listening with care is often the best place to start.

A young person who stays behind after an activity may be waiting to talk.

When young people feel ignored or unheard over time, their feelings can build up.

Art, music and writing give young people ways to express themselves beyond talking.

This helps them build relationships and cope when things get hard.

Strong relationships grow over time.

Young people need adults who are reliable, patient and willing to keep showing up.

Small, consistent actions can make a real difference: checking in, listening and remembering what matters to a young person.

A finding repeated across our research and the wider data: relationships, opening up and building trust all take time.

Time is what schools and services often struggle to give, for reasons outside their control.

Young people may trust different people with different things. A parent, teacher, youth worker, sibling, friend or another trusted adult can each play an important part.

This does not mean family relationships are weak, it means a young person has a wider circle of support.

We asked both parents and children: who do the children trust? Parents guessed family and wider community. The children said they decide who to trust topic by topic, based on what each adult can do to them, for them or about them. This is not a negative thing; these were attentive, loving parents. The learning is that a child having other adults they trust is the wider community doing its job, not your bond failing.

Chapter 5 talks about what to do with this; Chapter 6 includes a family activity for discovering the real map together.

Young people often do well in places where they feel welcomed, known and able to be themselves.

Small things can help: a warm greeting, a familiar adult, time to move, and activities they enjoy.

Warm greetings, trusted relationships and opportunities to move can help young people feel settled, connected and ready to learn.

Short answer

Only if I am worried that you or someone else is not safe.

Short answer

Only if they need to know to help keep someone safe or provide support.

Short answer

Sometimes. Be clear about what will be recorded, where it will go and who can read it.

Short answer

Not automatically. A referral is a request for the right support, not a decision to remove a child.

Be clear about what you may record or share in your setting. Do not promise to keep a secret.

Only share information when it is necessary, relevant and proportionate. Tell the young person what will happen, unless doing so could make someone less safe.

Something like: "The only time I would have to tell someone is if I was really worried that you, or someone else, was not safe. Even then, I would talk to you about it first, and I would tell you who I was going to talk to and why. I would not go behind your back."

This is the heart of it. The young person is not asking for absolute secrecy. They are asking not to be surprised, and not to be betrayed, but to be informed.

Everyone has a role in helping to keep children and young people safe.

In England, the local council, health services and police work together as safeguarding partners. Schools, charities, youth organisations and other services also have responsibilities to keep children safe.

If you work in an organisation, follow its safeguarding policy.

A concern may lead to different kinds of support. It may mean advice, early help for a family, a referral to children’s social care, or urgent action if someone is in immediate danger.

A referral is information shared with children’s social care because someone is worried about a child’s welfare. It is not proof that anyone has done something wrong, and it does not automatically lead to a child being removed from their family.

The local authority considers the information and decides what response is needed. This may include advice, signposting, family help, an assessment or urgent protection.

Ask for advice early if you are worried about a child or young person’s safety, wellbeing or care. You do not need to wait until a situation becomes a crisis.

If you work in an organisation, follow your safeguarding policy and speak to the designated safeguarding lead or named safeguarding person without delay.

If you are a parent, carer or family member and are not sure what to do, contact your local authority children’s social care team, early-help team or local safeguarding partnership for advice.

If someone is in immediate danger, call 999.

• Tell the young person as early as you can.
• Explain what you are worried about.
• Tell them who you will speak to and why.
• Involve them in the next steps where possible.
• Check in afterwards, so they are not left wondering what happened.

Sharing well is also how the adults around a young person keep them safe together. Home, school, community and services each hold a different piece, and safeguarding works when those pieces meet, carefully and on purpose. Check out Chapter 12 for more information.

In our research children expressed that they trust their parents with the serious things, and often avoid sharing information that could get them in trouble. This shapes what reaches you. It is not dishonesty; it is a child weighing what each adult can do to them.

You cannot force them to share such information by demanding honesty but by telling a child, in advance and in plain words, what you would and would not act on.

“You can tell me things without every conversation becoming a big problem. My first job is to listen, not to punish.

If I think that you or someone else may not be safe, I may need to act. If that happens, I will talk to you about what happens next.”

Say it once, calmly, on an ordinary day. Then the hard part: honour it the first time it is tested, because that first time determines how often a young person may disclose information moving forward.

Your child naming a friend, an auntie, a youth worker or a Saturday school adult as the person for certain topics is not a failure of your bond. It is a protective community-based system helping to keep your child safe. The trust map activity in Chapter 7 gives families a gentle, shared way to discover the real map together.

Parents filter what they say to institutions for the same reason children filter what they say to adults: by what the institution can do to them. The data and our families name the same fear: a social services referral, and behind it the fear of children being removed, stops families seeking support. A referral is a concern being passed on, not a finding. Many lead to no action, or an offer of voluntary support. You have rights throughout, including knowing what the concern is and having someone with you. The family navigator (Chapter 21) holds the full plain-language guide, template letters and free independent advice.

A young person’s behaviour, mood or energy can be shaped by many parts of their life: school, home, sleep, food, friendships, faith, money, housing and safety.

When you are trying to understand what may be happening, ask with care. Try to understand what is around them without making them feel interviewed.

Poverty, insecure housing and uncertainty can place serious pressure on a young person’s wellbeing. Not knowing where you will be living next month can be deeply unsettling. For neurodivergent children living in temporary housing, pressures can build up and leave families with little energy for anything else.

Before making assumptions, ask:

• Where is this young person sleeping?
• Is there food at home?
• Is the household stable enough this week for homework to be the priority?
• What do I know about their school, home, sleep, friendships, faith and finances?
• What do I not know, and how can I ask without interrogating?

For a fuller approach, see Collaborative and Proactive Solutions in Chapter 7.

Family relationships, culture and community can be important sources of love, strength and support. Young people may still choose different people for different conversations. This does not mean their family has failed them.

Listen without judgement and stay curious about what makes it easier or harder for a young person to talk. This may include who makes the rules at home, differences between parents and young people, wanting to protect a parent from worry, or stress linked to money, housing or other pressures.

Hold both truths. Family support is not always available in the way a young person needs, but families also have knowledge, care and experience that deserve respect. Families told us they want their culture, financial pressures and family circumstances to be understood, not judged.

Some families may find it hard to speak about mental health because of stigma, fear or previous experiences with services. When a young person worries, “What is my auntie going to say?”, they may be naming a real concern about judgement within their family or community.

A mental health struggle is not a flaw or a failure. It can be a sign that more care is needed, sometimes for the young person and sometimes for the adults holding everything around them. Some parents and carers carry stress for so long that it feels normal. Long-term exposure to stress and discrimination can affect health over time. Supporting a young person can also mean recognising when the adults around them need support.

Young people can need support before they have a diagnosis or a label. Notice patterns, listen to the young person and ask what could help now. Schools can begin support while assessments are still being considered.

Black children, and particularly Black girls, may be less likely to be put forward for assessment of learning differences or neurodivergent needs, such as ADHD or autism. Two recognised routes can help adults identify needs and put support in place without waiting for a diagnosis:

• The graduated approach: Assess, Plan, Do, Review. This is the four-part cycle in the SEND Code of Practice. It helps schools identify needs, plan support, try it and review whether it is working.
• A structured check. Schools can carry out a structured check of a child’s social and emotional development. Families can ask whether one has been done and what it found.

When a young person’s needs are missed, they may be seen as a behaviour problem instead of being offered support. Early understanding and practical help can keep young people connected to education and community.

Unmet needs can show up as anger, withdrawal, distress, difficulty concentrating or behaviour that adults find challenging. Without early support, some young people may face exclusion, alternative provision or contact with the youth justice system.

Long waits for specialist assessment and support can make this harder. Waits of more than a year for an Education, Health and Care Plan, known as an EHCP, were a particular concern in the research. Read more in Chapter 15.

For the adult in front of a young person now, the key question is: what is this behaviour telling me, and what support can I put in place now?

Many young people need time alone after a hard day. Music, gaming, cleaning, drawing, making something, sleeping or spending time with an animal can help them feel calmer.

The key question is whether a young person is choosing something that helps them reset, or whether they are feeling stuck and alone.

A gentle check-in can help: are they doing something they enjoy by themselves, or are they alone because they feel unable to ask for support?

Spending time with animals can help some young people feel calmer too. School trials have measured reduced stress after children spent time with trained dogs, including among children with special educational needs. Pets As Therapy runs visiting teams in schools and community settings, including the Read2Dogs programme.

Pets As Therapy ↗

Formal name: Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS), developed by Ross Greene.

What it is. An approach built on a single sentence: "Kids do well if they can." Challenging behaviour is read as a lagging skill or unmet expectation, not defiance. Problems are solved with the young person, not done to them.

How you use it. Three steps, called Plan B by Greene.

1. Empathy. Gather information about the young person's view. "I have noticed [observation]. What's up?" Listen without interrupting. Do not propose solutions yet.
2. Define adult concerns. Calmly name your concern. "I worry because [reason]." Keep it short and concrete.
3. Invitation. Brainstorm together. "How can we work this out so it works for both of us?" The solution has to be realistic for them and address your concern.

All resources, free.

Watch: Ross Greene, Kids Do Well If They Can ↗

Free resources at livesinthebalance.org ↗

What it is. Five actions backed by evidence, developed for the UK government's Foresight project on Mental Capital and Wellbeing. Designed to be small, regular and accessible. Built on what people already do.

How you use it with a young person. Run a quick check-in. For each of the five, ask "what does this look like for you right now?" Then look at where the energy is alive, and where it has gone quiet. Start where it is alive.

The honest double edge. The same outlet that helps can also become avoidance. Gaming can be both connection and escape. Use the outlet as a foundation for connection, do not police it.

Watch: The Five Ways to Wellbeing ↗

Five Ways to Wellbeing, NEF ↗

Formal name: The Three Houses, from the Signs of Safety approach.

What it is. A drawing-based tool for hearing a young person's view without interrogation. Originally developed by Nicki Weld and Maggie Greening in New Zealand child protection work. Used widely in UK children's social care and schools.

Who it is for. Three groups in particular.

• Younger children, primary school age, who may not yet have the language for what is going on for them.
• Children who find talking hard, for any reason. Anxious, autistic, low-confidence, recently displaced, mid-distress.
• Any young person you want to hear from without interviewing. The drawing carries the conversation.

How it works in practice. The adult sits with the young person and offers three large sheets of paper, each with a drawn house outline. The young person fills each house in with words, pictures, or whatever they choose. The adult asks the three questions below, one house at a time, and listens to whatever the young person draws or says in response. The adult does not draw for them, and does not correct or interpret.

What to do with what the young person shares. Ask their permission before showing the houses to anyone else, including parents. Discuss together what gets shared and what stays private. If action is needed, pair what surfaces with the plain-language script in Chapter 4, so the young person hears what happens next before it happens.

Watch: The Three Houses Tool ↗

Signs of Safety knowledge bank ↗

Formal name: Assess, Plan, Do, Review, known as the graduated approach.

What it is. The official four-part cycle, set out in law in the SEND Code of Practice (England) for identifying and meeting a child's needs in stages. A recognised, structured route to act on "something might be undiagnosed", not just notice it.

Where this fits in the toolkit. Use it when behaviour or learning concerns persist. Pair with an explicit note on the racialised referral gap when raising concerns: Black children, and particularly Black girls, are less likely to be referred for assessment.

SEND Code of Practice, 0 to 25 years ↗

Formal name: Relationship Circles, an established person-centred thinking tool, adapted here as the family trust map.

Use this activity to help a young person map the people they trust and what they trust each person with.

The rule is simple: do not question or challenge their map. It is information, not an accusation.

The fuller family trust-map activity is in Chapter 18 →

Begin with connection, not interrogation.

Share something real first. Talk about something from your day or weekend.

Start with a shared interest. Music, football, gaming, something they made or something they are reading can all be an easier way in.

Notice without demanding an answer. Try: “I’ve noticed you have been quieter this week. You do not need to talk about it now, but I am here when you want to.” Then let the conversation move on.

Do something alongside them. Walk, cook, draw, tidy or sit together. Conversation can feel easier when it is not the only focus.

Name your own emotions. Try: “I am having a difficult day. It is not about you, and it is not because of anything you have done.” This can help a young person understand that an adult’s mood is not always their responsibility.

The harder moments and the Hard Day Card continue in Chapter 9, and the practical tools and worked scenarios follow in Chapter 10.

These phrases are not always wrong, but they can feel demanding or scripted when used as the opening line:

• “Tell me what is wrong.”
• “You can talk to me about anything.”
• “Are you OK?”

Before starting a conversation, pause and ask yourself:

• What do I actually know about this young person right now?
• What am I assuming that I have not checked?
• What is the most interesting thing about them this week?
• If I were not under time pressure, what would I want to ask?

Curiosity is a skill, not a personality type. It helps adults move beyond a process or script and shows a young person that they are being noticed as a person.

There are two patterns for every adult to notice, name and challenge.

Adultification. Adultification is a form of racial bias in which a child is treated as older, less innocent, less vulnerable or more responsible than they are. It disproportionately affects Black children. It can mean less protection, fewer allowances for being a child and harsher responses to behaviour.

Ask yourself: am I treating this child as a child?

Cultural misreading. An adult may misread a young person’s eye contact, tone of voice, dress or movement as disrespect. The young person reacts to being misunderstood, and that reaction is then treated as defiance.

Ask yourself: am I responding to this young person’s behaviour, or to my own fear or assumption?

Do not stop at the phrase “unconscious bias”. Racism and unequal treatment can be experienced as repeated and targeted, not simply accidental. Use evidence, ask open questions and be willing to examine patterns. For example, look at published school exclusion figures by ethnicity, look at children and young people’s mental health waiting-time data, and ask: why do you think this is happening?

Some young people find it easier to share through an activity, image, story or piece of music than through direct conversation. These approaches can create a safer, lower-pressure way in.

Scenario cards. Use short stories about a fictional young person and ask, “What do you think this person should do?” A young person may talk about their own experience through the character.

Writing prompts. Try “Write about a time you felt heard” or “Describe a place that feels safe.” There is no pressure to share what they write.

Music as an opener. Ask, “Play me a song that means something to you.” Listen first, then ask one gentle question.

Window of Tolerance check. Use a simple visual to help a young person identify whether they feel able to think clearly, overwhelmed, ready to fight or flee, or shut down.

The Anger Volcano. Use a visual to explore what makes someone feel more angry and what helps them feel calmer. This can be especially useful for young people who find writing difficult.

The Blob Tree. Invite the young person to choose one figure that represents something good and one that represents something hard.

Pair these tools with the Three Houses approach in Chapter 7. It can be a helpful first step for younger children, or for anyone who finds direct conversation difficult.

This section is for adults whose role includes discipline or behaviour management.

Ask yourself: does our approach help this young person understand their behaviour, or does it silence them?

Small punishments can build up. A child whose behaviour is misunderstood at seven may be punished again at nine, then eleven, and later excluded. Each decision may seem reasonable on its own. Together, they can create a pattern of punishment instead of support.

Settings can ask whether their behaviour policies help young people understand what happened, or mainly demand compliance.

Emotional-regulation tools, including Zones of Regulation and similar systems, can be useful. But they can also feel like punishment, or a public sign that a young person is “the problem”.

A tool’s purpose is not always the same as a young person’s experience of it. Ask young people how these systems feel. Where possible, involve them in choosing the language and deciding how the tool is used. A system that publicly labels a child’s emotional state may create shame rather than help them regulate.

Young people in our sessions repeatedly described school as a cage or prison. They were describing confinement, not learning.

One young person told us they were excluded for something that happened during the summer holidays. They were not allowed back to sit their GCSEs, were placed into care, and did not hear from the school again.

You may work in a system that a young person experiences as controlling, unfair or unpredictable. You can still be the part of it that feels different.

Be consistent. Follow through on what you say.

Be reachable. Show that your support is not conditional on good behaviour.

Speak as yourself. You are more than the institution’s representative.

Create a reliable pocket of safety. This might be a room, a regular time or simply a calm, respectful way of speaking.

Restorative practice puts relationships and repair at the centre of responding to conflict. It can sit alongside consequences, but it goes beyond punishment.

It means working with people, rather than doing things to them or for them.

Use these questions with everyone involved:

• What happened?
• What were you thinking at the time?
• What have you thought about since?
• Who has been affected, and how?
• What needs to happen to make things right?

Circles can build relationships before there is a problem. People sit together, with no front of the room, and take turns speaking using a talking piece. A short, regular circle can create more connection than a one-off assembly about respect.

Restorative practice helps answer a key question: does our response create understanding, or silence young people?

Watch: Mark Finnis on Restorative Practice ↗

Restorative Justice Council ↗

Name it. Offer choice. Give space. Reconnect.

Families in our research described different versions of the same approach for difficult days at home. We have written it down here so more families can use it.

1. Name it. Name the hard day, including your own feelings. Try: “Mummy’s having a bad day today. It is not personal to you.” This means nobody has to guess what is happening or take responsibility for someone else’s mood.

2. Offer a genuine choice. Ask: “Do you need a hug, or do you need some space?” Both answers are acceptable. The choice only works if a young person can safely choose either one.

3. Give space. Chosen time alone can help young people settle after a hard day. This might mean music, gaming, cleaning, making something, spending time with a pet or sleeping. Parents and carers can protect that space, including from interruptions or pressure from siblings. Giving space is not withdrawing care. It is respect for what a young person needs in that moment.

4. Reconnect. Check in after the hard moment has passed. This could be through a meal, a short conversation, a message or time spent together.

Adults are often told to connect before they correct, while young people may say, “Leave me alone.” Both can be true. The connection is the offer. The space is the respect.

Practise these four steps in week one of the family journey in Chapter 18.

Chosen solitude can help a young person settle. Withdrawal without a chosen activity can sometimes mean they are feeling stuck or overwhelmed. For the gentle “stuck in your head” check, see Chapter 6.

Motivational Interviewing is a way of talking that uses open questions, careful listening and curiosity to help a person explore their own reasons for change.

It was developed by William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick in the 1980s, first in addiction work. It is now used across health, education, social care and youth work.

The central idea is simple. The more we tell someone they need to change, the more likely they are to push back. The more we ask what they want and listen carefully, the more likely they are to find their own way forward.

Miller and Rollnick call the urge to fix, advise or correct the righting reflex. Notice that urge, then pause before acting on it.

Motivational Interviewing moves between four processes:

1. Engaging: Build trust and a working relationship.
2. Focusing: Agree what feels important to talk about.
3. Evoking: Draw out the young person’s own reasons for change.
4. Planning: Help them decide what they want to do next.

Use OARS to guide the conversation: Open questions, Affirmations, Reflective listening, Summaries. These skills help you understand the young person’s point of view. Notice when you have moved from listening into advising, correcting or trying to solve the problem for them.

Watch: What is Motivational Interviewing ↗

Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers ↗

Three Black boys are standing together in a corridor, talking. A member of staff tells them to split up and move along. They say they were not doing anything. The exchange escalates.

Ask yourself:

• Would I see three children from a different background, standing in the same place, as a problem?
• What was the actual risk here, and what was my assumption?
• Could the boys be reacting to a pattern they have experienced before, not only to this interaction?

One young person in our research described a “no groups of three” rule applied only to Black students.

Two children do roughly the same thing: answer back, push a boundary or mess about. One is sent out of class. The other is told off lightly and stays. Afterwards, a colleague describes the second child as “a cheeky chap”.

Ask yourself:

• Did the responses match the behaviour, or was something else shaping the decision?
• What words do I use for different children, and what assumptions sit behind them?
• If I tracked who was sent out of my room over a term, what pattern would I see?

A young person who is usually chatty has been withdrawn for two weeks. You have five minutes with them. Your instinct is to ask, “Is everything OK at home?”

Ask yourself:

• Has a direct welfare question worked with this young person before, or does it close the conversation down?
• What could I share about my own week first, to make this feel more like a conversation than an interview?
• Is there something we could do side by side, so talking is invited rather than demanded?

For ideas on starting conversations without pressure, see Chapter 8.

A young person begins telling you something serious. Partway through, you realise you may need to share it with someone else. They have not finished speaking and do not yet know this.

Ask yourself:

• Did I explain at the start what I can keep private and what I may need to share?
• If not, how can I explain this honestly now?
• How can I tell them what may happen next without making them regret speaking?
• How can I keep them involved, rather than acting over their head?

Use this scenario alongside Chapter 4, which explains what stays private and what may need to be passed on.

A Black mother has been speaking up for her child for two terms. She knows the guidance, keeps every email and brings a folder to meetings. In the staffroom, a colleague describes her as difficult and wonders whether a referral to social services is needed.

A serving teacher in our research saw this happen and named the problem.

Ask yourself and your colleagues:

• What exactly is difficult here, and whose difficulty is it?
• Is this a parent challenging the school, or a specific concern about a child’s safety and wellbeing?
• What would a referral actually be for?
• If the honest answer is, “She keeps challenging us”, is that a safeguarding concern?
• Would a parent from a different background, with the same folder, be described as thorough rather than difficult?

A child cannot sit still through an hour-long lesson. Their behaviour is recorded as fidgeting, being off-task or disruptive. The school day has no planned movement breaks.

In our family research, a child in a setting with a flexible timetable described the difference simply: being able to move around and be able to breathe.

Ask yourself:

• What might this behaviour be telling me about the timetable, not only the child?
• When did this child last have a genuine opportunity to move?
• What might a two-minute movement break between long periods of sitting change?
• What condition can I change today?

Children who thrive in settings built around warmth and movement are not different children. They are the same children in different conditions.

The move after Year 11 is one of the clearest transitions in our research. It is also a point when some young people can fall out of education, employment or training.

At school, routines are often held in place by the system: uniform, registers, lessons, deadlines, familiar staff and regular contact. After Year 11, much of that structure can disappear at once.

Sixth form, college, apprenticeships and work often require young people to organise their time, manage their feelings and take more responsibility for themselves. A young person who appeared to be coping at school may struggle when that structure ends.

What adults can do. Stay in touch after school contact ends. A monthly text, a standing offer to meet, or a regular check-in can make a real difference. Adults can provide one steady relationship while other parts of a young person’s life are changing.

The transition to secondary school does not end when Year 7 begins.

Some young people manage the first few months, then find support around them becoming less certain. Routines are still new, teachers change, friendship groups shift and trusted adult relationships may not yet be in place.

Across South East London, the number of young people who say they have someone supportive to talk to falls by around 30 percent between ages 11 and 13.

Year 8 is an important time to check in again. Ask: “Who is your trusted adult in school?” If they cannot name someone, do not wait for a crisis. Help them find one.

Children who arrive in the UK from another country may enter a school system that is very different from the one they know.

They may not be told about everyday expectations: how teachers are addressed, what discipline looks like, the unspoken rules of the playground, how to ask questions in class or what being on time means. Many children learn these rules only when they are corrected.

What adults can do.

• Explain school routines and expectations clearly, for the child and, where possible, their family.
• Pair a new arrival with a young person who has recently been through a similar transition.
• Make the learning two-way. The school also learns about the child’s previous school experience, culture and strengths.

Some families in our research moved into home education, or back into school, after taking time to settle and plan. A thoughtful transition can help a young person feel safer and more ready for what comes next.

For full guidance on moving into or back from home education, see Chapter 22.

Not every important transition has a formal name. Smaller changes can still have a big effect on a young person.

This might include:

• Moving class during the school year.
• Returning after exclusion or beginning a behaviour plan.
• Losing a trusted teacher who leaves or changes role.
• Moving between kinship care, foster care or residential care.
• A parent moving out, a sibling leaving home or an older sibling becoming a young carer.

These changes can look minor from the outside. For the young person, they may not feel minor at all.

The adult’s role is to notice the change and, where possible, be the relationship that remains steady.

A Mental Health Services Passport is a young person’s own short summary of their mental health support. It can help them explain what has helped, what has not helped and what they want a new adult to know.

NHS guidance describes these passports as a way for children and young people to own and communicate their story when moving between services or providers, created by the young person with support from a practitioner, and only shared with their agreement.

Without something like this, a young person may have to repeat their story each time they meet a new adult. A passport can give them more choice and control.

It might include:

• Things that help when I am struggling.
• Things that do not help.
• People I trust.
• Words or phrases I find difficult.
• What I want a new adult to know in the first ten minutes.

How to use it. Create it with the young person, not for them. Review it together before a move or handover. The conversation about updating it can be as useful as the passport itself.

The most important support at a transition may be simple: one consistent adult who stays in a young person’s life.

What this looks like in practice.

• Choose continuity over intensity. One adult who checks in monthly for two years can matter more than several adults who disappear after a short period.
• Make continuity visible. Mark milestones together: “You have been at college for six months, and we are still checking in.”
• Make active handovers. If you are leaving, introduce the next adult in person where possible, with the young person’s consent. Do not rely only on a generic email or a new name on a system.
• Keep cross-organisation relationships where appropriate. If you knew a young person through school, your relationship does not have to end simply because their school placement or service changes.

When services work separately, children can get lost in the gaps.

Where possible, bring young people, families and the adults supporting them into the same conversation. Set clear ground rules and ensure someone is there to hold the discussion fairly.

The aim is not to decide who is the expert. Everyone brings knowledge. Young people know their own lives. Families know their child. Community workers may see what services do not. Professionals bring their own specialist knowledge.

For a format you can adapt, see Family Group Conferencing below.

Regular, low-pressure contact from a trusted adult can build trust and reveal context that is easy to miss in a short appointment.

When a council or NHS service is making an important decision, ask: what are the adults around this young person seeing that our records do not show?

This does not mean sharing everything. It means listening to relevant, factual information from people who know the young person well.

A handover does not end with “referred”.

A clear handover includes:

• What will happen next.
• Who is responsible.
• When the family can expect an update.
• How to ask for progress if they do not hear anything.

The research calls for a named key worker for every child. Until that is consistently in place, the adult holding the relationship can help keep the loop closed.

When you refer or hand over, put a follow-up date in your diary. Use it to ask what happened, check whether the family has heard anything, and share any relevant changes you have noticed.

Community workers often see important things that need to reach council or NHS decision-making.

A short, structured note can make this easier to act on:

• The situation: What has happened?
• The background: What is important to understand?
• What you are noticing: What may be affecting the young person?
• What you are asking for: What support, decision or response is needed?

Keep it fair, factual and brief enough to be read. Separate what you know from what you think. Include only information that is relevant and appropriate to share.

Many families in our research described SEND, mental health and education systems as a maze. They were expected to understand processes, complete paperwork, chase updates and coordinate different services while also supporting their child.

Families have valuable knowledge about their own child. The system is not always easy to navigate.

Support can include:

• Clear guides to key pathways.
• Templates for writing to schools and health services.
• Help preparing for meetings.
• Routes to independent advocates, including for children and young people with SEND.

The adult’s job is to help a family understand how the system works, not to take over or speak for them without their involvement.

Open-to-all services often reach families who already know how to find and use them. Other families may be better reached through trusted community relationships.

If a family has not taken up council or NHS support, do not assume they do not care. They may have had difficult experiences, may not trust the service, or may not feel ready.

Keep the relationship open. Be a bridge when and if the family wants one.

Send short, regular and jargon-free updates. Use four headings:

• What support is being given
• What we have noticed
• What is helping
• What we can do next

Keep updates focused on progress. Describe behaviour as context, not character. For example: “Finds the noisy start of the day difficult”, not “Disruptive in the mornings”.

Use a rhythm the family can rely on.

Name one school or service contact and one community link person. Give both names to the family in writing.

Staff change. The relationship does not have to disappear with them. If a named person leaves, tell the family who the new contact is before they have to chase for that information.

At the top of each update, include one clear line:

• Green: Settled. Support is working.
• Amber: Some concerns or wobbles. We are watching closely.
• Red: A conversation is needed this week.

Families told us they want to see progress quickly, before reading the detail. Always explain why the light is green, amber or red, and what will happen next.

Formal name: Family Group Conferencing.

What it is. A family-led decision-making meeting used in UK children's social care. A coordinator helps the family prepare, professionals share information at the start, then the family has private family time to make a plan. The professionals come back at the end and respond to the plan.

Why it fits here. The most established structure for families genuinely leading, fitting the family-expertise principle named throughout the toolkit. Worth borrowing the structure even when you cannot run a full formal FGC.

Family Rights Group, frg.org.uk ↗

The five-minute reflective checklist in Chapter 3 asks about the adult’s own state for a reason.

Supporting others requires enough steadiness to be present. When an adult is overwhelmed, exhausted or unsettled, it can become harder to respond to the young person in front of them with care.

This is not self-care as a luxury. It is part of doing the job safely and well.

Think about what helps you stay steady:

• Sleep and regular food.
• Movement and rest.
• People who support and restore you.
• Boundaries around work.
• A practice that helps you slow down and reset.

Teacher wellbeing is strongly linked to workload, school culture, access to resources and support from leaders. Workload and poor work-life balance are established sources of stress and burnout in education.

Getting through each day can take a level of effort that would exhaust anyone, and many parents and carers have carried that for a long time.

For workers, notice when “I’m fine” comes too quickly. Ask with care. For parents and carers reading this: your wellbeing matters too.

One parent in our research described explaining her own body, hormones and difficult days to her children. It helped them learn to name what they needed.

Being honest about your own feelings is not the same as making a child responsible for them. It can model emotional language, self-awareness and care.

The emotional cost of working in a racist system is real and often unrecognised.

Black educators and workers already manage the usual demands of their role, on top of the extra labour this chapter opened with.

That additional work needs to be visible and paid.

For organisations, that means providing:

• Supervision that understands Black culture and racialised experiences.
• Peer support spaces for Black staff.
• Time, recognition and resources for equality work.
• Clear leadership responsibility for anti-racist practice.

This is not an optional wellbeing offer. It is part of asking Black staff to do their jobs fairly and sustainably.

Specific support for Black staff is essential. At the same time, every staff member working with children and young people needs support.

Many people are carrying several roles, high workloads and emotionally demanding situations. Burnout affects relationships, consistency and the quality of support offered to young people.

Both things can be true:

• Black staff may need specific support because they carry additional racialised pressure.
• All staff need reliable wellbeing support, manageable workloads and a culture where asking for help is safe.

Assigning Black boys with the greatest needs to the only Black male teacher in a school is not cultural matching. It can place the hardest work on one person and present that extra workload as a solution.

Our research found versions of this pattern across boroughs.

For senior leaders: review EHC plans, one-to-one support arrangements and pastoral allocations against assessed need, not assumed cultural fit.

A Black educator’s cultural knowledge can be a valuable asset. Let it support the whole school’s practice rather than become an unrecognised extra responsibility or determine which pupils they are expected to manage.

If reflection is optional, the people who are already under the greatest pressure are least likely to have time for it.

Build protected time into the calendar. This could include supervision away from direct line management, regular reflective sessions and INSET training with structured follow-up. One-off awareness days are not enough.

For senior leaders, one question: what protected thinking time do frontline staff actually have?

“If they need me, they can come to me” is not protected time. It is line management.

The conditions around the work affect whether the work is possible.

Large class sizes, high caseloads, short-term funding and unstable budgets are not background issues. They shape whether staff have the time, capacity and support to build relationships and respond well to young people.

The toolkit’s recommendations that need proper resources cannot become wishes that are quietly dropped when funding is tight. They are asks of the system.

The risk is that this toolkit becomes a box-ticking exercise rather than a change in culture.

Accountability means being clear about:

• Who is responsible for change.
• Who checks whether change is happening.
• What evidence shows that it is working.
• What happens when it is not working.

No organisation judges itself alone here. Community members, people who use services and staff all have a real role in deciding whether change is happening.

Not every change has to wait for permission from senior leaders.

Workers and allies inside organisations can find each other, meet regularly and build change from within. Connections with organisations such as Black Thrive can provide support, challenge and a link to a wider movement.

But do not leave people creating change to carry it alone. Without protected time, peer support and senior backing, changemakers can burn out and progress can disappear when they leave.

Recognise and support this work. Do not simply tolerate it.

The conditions for good practice need funding, not just good intentions.

This toolkit sets out clear asks for funders and NHS South East London Integrated Care Board in Chapter 15.

When writing a bid, funding a service or sitting on a board, use Chapter 15 alongside this chapter. Fund the conditions needed for good practice. Do not expect staff and communities to deliver change without them.

PCREF is NHS England’s anti-racism and accountability approach for mental health services. It aims to improve access, experience and outcomes for racialised communities, while improving trust in services.

It is useful here because it offers a practical answer to a key question: who decides whether this work is working? The answer is not the organisation alone.

PCREF uses Triple Leadership. This brings together:

• Community representatives.
• People who use services and carers.
• Staff representatives.

These groups share responsibility for decisions, challenge and accountability. South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust was a PCREF pilot site and has used this approach to bring Black communities, Black service users and carers, and staff into decision-making together.

What to borrow from PCREF. You do not need to reproduce PCREF in full to learn from it. Borrow these principles:

• Share decision-making with community members, people with lived experience and staff.
• Set outcomes on racial equality that can be measured.
• Use data alongside people’s lived experience.
• Make feedback visible and show what changed because of it.
• Do not rely only on policy statements or internal assurance.

PCREF, NHS England ↗

Every child needs one named person who can hold their story across services, support continuity and give the family one reliable point of contact.

Too often, different parts of a young person’s life sit with different services. Information is split, responsibility is unclear and children get lost in the gaps.

Build protected reflective time into the calendar for schools, Mental Health Support Teams, VCSE organisations, council services and NHS services.

This is not a wellbeing extra. It is a condition of doing good work.

Where possible, reflective supervision is led by someone other than the person’s direct line manager.

An Education, Health and Care Plan, often called an EHC plan, is a legal document that sets out a child or young person’s needs and the support they are to receive. It is for children and young people who need more support than is normally available through SEN support.

Base support on assessed need, not assumptions about risk, behaviour, race or gender.

For senior leaders: review one-to-one support, EHC plans and referrals to ask:

• Are Black boys being allocated support because of assessed need, or because adults assume they present greater risk?
• Are Black girls’ learning, emotional or neurodivergent needs being missed or recognised too late?
• Are reviews identifying and challenging racial assumptions before they become fixed decisions?

Black educators and workers can carry additional pressure in racist systems. They may be expected to represent Black communities, explain racism, translate culture or take on the most difficult work with Black children and families.

Fund peer support and supervision that understands Black culture and racialised experience. Make it part of the workforce offer, not an optional staff benefit.

Families of children and young people with SEND need access to independent advice and advocacy.

They need people who can help them understand their rights, prepare for meetings, challenge decisions and speak up when support is not in place. This cannot depend only on an offer controlled by the same local authority making decisions about their child.

SEND understanding cannot sit only with Special Educational Needs Coordinators, known as SENCOs.

All staff working with children and young people need to understand SEND, including how needs can be missed or understood differently across racial and ethnic backgrounds.

Build this question into training: why might this child not have been referred yet?

Do not focus training only on children who already have a diagnosis, referral or EHC plan.

Fund opportunities for families and young people to connect before a crisis.

This includes family-to-family support, gatherings for young people across different areas, and a moderated channel where community feedback on services is heard and answered.

Families made the case clearly: it takes a village to raise children. The village needs opportunities to meet, build trust and see each other as allies.

Connection before a problem becomes a crisis is prevention.

Fund the conditions that make good practice possible, not only the direct work with young people.

This means realistic caseloads, manageable class sizes, paid time for VCSE partners to join multi-agency sessions, and funding for the train-the-trainer work this toolkit relies on.

This ask sits beneath all the others. Without the right conditions, practice cannot reach the scale or quality that young people and families need.

Here are three family journeys. Each takes four weeks, with one activity a week that takes around 20 to 40 minutes.

There is no sign-up, account or data collection. Progress can live on a printable tracker on your fridge, not on our servers.

Every activity comes from our research with families or from tools elsewhere in this toolkit.

Share one meal with every phone in another room, including the adults’ phones.

An adult tells a true story from when they were the children’s age. It could be about a friendship, a scrape, a song or a Saturday. Children can ask anything about it.

Sharing something real about yourself can make it easier for young people to talk too.

You do not need musical talent.

Choose a theme together, such as your family, a good day or something silly. Build a song or poem line by line, with everyone contributing. Record it on a phone if you want to, or simply enjoy making it together.

Use the Five Ways to Wellbeing: Connect, Be Active, Take Notice, Keep Learning and Give. Chapter 7 explains them in full.

Around the table, each person says:

• Which of the five feels strongest for me right now?
• Which one has gone quiet?

Adults take a turn too. Do not try to fix anything. Just notice together. If one area has gone quiet, choose one small thing to try this week.

Plan one outing chosen by the children, within a budget that is honest for your family. Free options count.

The adults’ job is to say yes and turn up.

On the way home, ask: what was your favourite part of the last four weeks?

Do not wait for a difficult day. Practise on an ordinary day, like a fire drill.

Use the four steps from Chapter 9:

• Name it, including adults’ difficult days.
• Offer a genuine choice: “Do you need a hug, or do you need some space?”
• Give space.
• Reconnect afterwards.

Take turns pretending to have a hard day. It may feel funny. That is part of the point. When a real hard day comes, the words and steps will already feel familiar.

Each person draws or writes down the people they trust and what they trust them with. Adults make their own maps too.

Find full instructions in Chapter 7.

The key rule is simple: nobody gets interrogated about their map.

Your child’s map may surprise you. Families in our research said this helped them understand one another better and strengthened their relationships.

Take three sheets of paper and draw three houses:

• Good things.
• Worries.
• Hopes and dreams.

Chapter 7 contains the full guide.

Adults make their own Three Houses too and share only what they choose. Nobody has to show anything they do not want to share.

Have a short family conversation.

Ask:

• When someone had a hard day this month, what did they need?
• What have we learned about each other?
• What is one thing we want to keep doing?

Write the one thing you agree on your tracker.

This is a reflection for adults. Share as much with children as feels right.

Think about:

• What from my upbringing do I want my children to have?
• What am I choosing to do differently?
• What will I explain that was never explained to me?

This is not about judging a culture. It is about recognising what you value, what you want to change and what you want to pass on.

Invite a grandparent, elder or auntie to join you in person or on a call.

Ask children to prepare two questions each. They could ask about:

• Where they grew up.
• What school was like.
• Music they loved.
• What they are proud of.

Record the conversation only if the person is happy for you to.

Take one large sheet of paper. Write your family name in the middle.

Around it, add:

• Things your family is good at.
• Times you got through something hard.
• Things people outside the family value about you.
• Small daily things that keep you going.

Put it somewhere visible for the week.

Look back at the reflection, elder’s stories and strengths map.

Each person names one thing they did not know about the family a month ago.

Then decide together: what do we want to do next as a family?

Every term used anywhere in this toolkit is explained simply in the Glossary (Chapter 27).

Breathe in for four counts. Hold for four. Breathe out for four. Hold for four.

Trace a square in the air with your finger as you breathe. Children may enjoy drawing the square. Try two or three rounds.

Name:

• Five things you can see.
• Four things you can hear.
• Three things you can touch.
• Two things you can smell.
• One thing you can taste.

This can help bring a racing mind back to the present. You can do it quietly or out loud.

This is progressive muscle relaxation in family language.

Squeeze your fists, shoulders or toes for five counts. Then let go fully and notice the difference. Move through different parts of your body if that feels helpful.

This can work well before bed.

Try a walk around the block, star jumps, dancing to one song or kicking a ball against a wall.

Movement can help many people release energy, settle their body and feel more present. Young people in our research named it as something that helps, and NICE guidance supports regular physical and rhythmic activity as part of promoting wellbeing for children and young people.

Tapping involves gently tapping points on the hands, face or chest while naming how you feel.

A parent in our research asked for this to be included, and some families find it calming.

The honest note is that the evidence for tapping is less established than for approaches such as physical activity, relaxation and psychological therapies. Research findings vary in quality and conclusions. If tapping helps your family, it can be one option to try. It does not replace professional support for serious or ongoing mental health concerns.

There are two main levels of support for children with special educational needs and disabilities, often called SEND.

SEN Support is support the school provides once it recognises a need. This can include reasonable adjustments, small-group work, check-ins and the Assess, Plan, Do, Review cycle. It is arranged by the school and does not need council approval.

An Education, Health and Care Plan, often called an EHC plan, is a legal plan issued by the local authority. It sets out a child or young person’s education, health and social-care needs, along with the support that is to be provided.

An EHC plan is for children and young people whose needs may require more support than is normally available through SEN Support. Parents and carers can ask the local authority directly for an EHC needs assessment. You do not have to wait for the school to make the request. The local authority has six weeks to tell you its decision.

In principle, support is based on assessed need. But families and workers in our research described a system affected by who asks, how persistently they ask, and how a child’s behaviour is understood.

Our research highlighted a pattern that needs challenging: Black boys can be given one-to-one support because adults see risk or behaviour, while Black girls’ learning, emotional or neurodivergent needs may be missed or recognised late.

Chapter 15 sets out what the wider system needs to change.

For families, a clear paper trail can help. A written record of needs, agreed support and review dates is harder to overlook than a concern raised only in conversation.

You can ask for:

• The name of the school’s SENCO, the Special Educational Needs Coordinator, and a meeting with them.
• A written record of what has been agreed, including a date for review.
• A named school contact, so you know who to speak to if staff change.
• Copies of information held about your child. You can make a subject access request if needed.
• An EHC needs assessment from the local authority.
• Short, regular updates on support and what is helping. Chapter 12 includes a template that services can use.

A referral is when someone shares a concern with the local authority’s children’s services. It is not a finding, charge or judgement.

Children’s services are expected to acknowledge the referral and decide what happens next within one working day. The response may be no further action, voluntary support, a further assessment or urgent action where a child may be at immediate risk.

If a social worker contacts you, ask:

• What is the concern?
• Who raised it?
• What information has been shared?
• What will happen next?

You can take someone with you to meetings, bring an advocate and answer questions in writing if that helps. Keep notes and copies of relevant documents in your tracker.

After any conversation about your child, send a short follow-up email on the same day.

You could write: “Thank you for meeting with me today. My understanding is that we agreed [X], and that [name] will [Y] by [date]. Please correct me if I have misunderstood.”

This takes a few minutes and turns a conversation into a shared written record.

The aim is not to be difficult. It is to make sure everyone understands what has been agreed and what happens next.

Ask for support to be reviewed

Dear [SENCO],

I am writing about [child’s name], who is in [class/year group].

I am concerned about [one or two sentences explaining what you see at home or what your child has told you].

Please can you tell me in writing:

• What support is currently in place.
• When it was last reviewed.
• When we can meet to review it together.

I would appreciate a reply within two weeks.

Thank you,

[Your name]

Request an EHC needs assessment

Dear SEN Team,

I am the parent or carer of [child’s name], born [date of birth], who attends [school].

I am requesting an EHC needs assessment under section 36(1) of the Children and Families Act 2014.

[Add two or three sentences describing your child’s needs, the support already tried and why you believe further assessment may be needed.]

Please confirm that you have received this request and let me know your decision within the six-week timescale.

Yours faithfully,

[Your name]

For fuller model letters, visit IPSEA.

IPSEA ↗

SENDIASS. Every local authority is required to make SEND information, advice and support services available for children and young people with SEND and their families. Search online for: [Your borough] SENDIASS.

IPSEA. Free, legally based SEND advice, model letters and help with appeals.

IPSEA ↗

SOS!SEN. A charity offering a helpline and advocacy support with SEND processes, including EHC plans.

SOS!SEN ↗

Contact. Free advice and plain-language guides for families with disabled children. Freephone: 0808 808 3555.

Contact ↗

Education Equals. Free advice and advocacy around exclusion, race equality and SEND. Find it in the toolkit directory in Chapter 17.

In England, parents are legally responsible for making sure their child receives an efficient, full-time education that is suitable for their age, ability, aptitude and any special educational needs.

School is one way to meet that duty. Home education is another.

You do not need a teaching qualification or a particular reason to home educate. The law does not require home education to follow the national curriculum, use school hours or cover specific subjects. However, parents remain responsible for ensuring that the education is suitable and full-time.

The government’s elective home education guidance ↗

If your child attends a mainstream school, write to the headteacher to say that you are withdrawing them to home educate. Ask for their name to be removed from the school roll and keep a copy of the letter.

This also applies if your child has an EHC plan and attends a mainstream school.

There are important exceptions:

• If your child attends a special school arranged by the local authority, you need the local authority’s agreement before they can be removed from the register.
• If your child attends school because of a school attendance order, the local authority needs to revoke the order first.

Each borough has an Elective Home Education team, often called an EHE team. The council may make informal enquiries about the education you are providing.

It is usually helpful to respond in writing, in your own words. A short description of your approach, learning activities and how you are meeting your child’s needs may be enough.

The council cannot set your curriculum, require you to follow the national curriculum, insist on a home visit as an automatic right or require your child to take tests.

Councils also do not usually provide teaching or fund exams for home-educated children. Plan for this before making a decision.

Moving into home education is a significant transition. It can be especially important to plan carefully if school has felt unsafe, stressful or harmful for your child.

Many families describe the first few months as a settling or recovery period. The pace may slow before learning becomes more structured. This can be a normal part of adjusting, not a sign of failure.

What can help:

• Allow time to settle.
• Keep one or two familiar anchors, such as a sport, club, friendship group or regular activity.
• Start building a new community early, before you urgently need one.
• Talk with your child about what a good week at home might look like.

For transitions more broadly, see Chapter 11.

Returning to school can work well. One family in our research made this transition and their children settled well.

But returning can bring many changes at once: timetable, noise, friendship groups, classroom expectations and unspoken rules.

What can help:

• Ask about a phased return if it would support your child.
• Ask for a named link person from the first day.
• Ask for a conversation about where your child is in each subject, rather than assumptions based only on age.
• Use the four steps for a hard day from Chapter 9 during the first term.

• What is not working now, and have we tried the options in the Family Navigator in Chapter 19?
• What does my child say they want, when we talk outside a crisis moment?
• Who will support the adult doing the educating? See Chapter 13.
• What is our honest budget for time, money, activities, resources and exams?
• What is our plan for friendships and community from week one?
• If home education does not work for us, what would a good return to school look like?

Home-educated young people usually take GCSEs or IGCSEs as private candidates.

An IGCSE can be easier to arrange for some families because many courses do not include coursework. However, this varies by subject and exam board, so always check before choosing.

First, choose:

• The subject.
• The exam board.
• The exact specification or course code.

You need these details before an exam centre can confirm whether it can accept your child.

Your child will take exams at a school, college or private exam centre that accepts private candidates.

Not every centre accepts private candidates, and centres can decide which subjects, exam boards and access arrangements they can support.

Start with:

• The JCQ private-candidate search tool ↗.
• The HE Exams community ↗, which includes family-maintained advice about centres and how to approach them.

Ask each centre:

• Do you accept private candidates for this subject and specification?
• Can you support coursework, practical work or speaking assessments if they are required?
• Can you provide access arrangements if my child needs them?
• What is the full cost, including administration fees?
• What is the entry deadline?

Summer exam entries often need to be arranged during the autumn or winter beforehand. Centres may stop accepting entries well before the final exam-board deadline.

Private candidates usually pay the exam entry fee and the centre’s administration costs. Fees vary widely by subject, exam board, centre, coursework requirements and access arrangements.

A useful planning estimate is around £150 to £300 per subject, although some subjects, practicals and specialist arrangements may cost more. Ask for the full cost in writing before booking.

Your child does not have to take all their exams in one summer.

Many home-educating families spread GCSEs across two or three years, taking one or two subjects at a time when the young person is ready. This can reduce pressure, spread the cost and make it easier to plan.

Education Otherwise. A long-standing national charity for home-educating families. It offers guidance, local-group links and advice about communication with councils.

Education Otherwise ↗

HE Exams community. A useful source of private-candidate exam information, as well as discussion groups where experienced home educators answer practical questions.

HE Exams ↗

Local groups. Across South East London, families may find home-education meet-ups, forest-school groups, shared classes and informal social groups through the organisations above or local social-media groups.

Finding each other. See Chapter 24 for this toolkit’s pages for connecting families across the boroughs.

London Youth is a membership network for youth organisations across London. It supports youth clubs with programmes, training and opportunities to work together across areas.

Ask your local youth club whether it is a London Youth member and whether any cross-club events, trips or programmes are coming up.

London Youth ↗

Every South East London borough has a parent carer forum. There are also Black-led parent networks across South London.

Find local groups, including Black SEN Mamas and the National Black Parents Association UK, in the directory in Chapter 17.

For a longer programme where families meet over several weeks, explore Strengthening Families, Strengthening Communities. It is an established group programme for parents and carers that covers relationships, parenting, culture, wellbeing and community connection. See Chapter 17.

Families described Saturday and supplementary schools as important community spaces. They can give children opportunities to learn about their culture, meet trusted adults and build relationships with other young people.

Find local Saturday and supplementary schools in the Chapter 17 directory.

For home-educating families, Chapter 22 includes routes to Education Otherwise, the HE Exams community and local groups.

Families from across the six boroughs meeting around food, activities and conversation, rather than only when there is a problem.

This is prevention: building relationships before support is urgently needed.

A regular event where young people from different areas can meet each other as people, not as rivals.

London Youth and community delivery partners could be well placed to host or support this kind of gathering, if funding becomes available.

If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.

If you need urgent mental health support but it is not an emergency, call 111 and select the mental health option where available.

For children and young people under 19.

Call: 0800 1111. Open: 24 hours a day, every day. Cost: free.

You can talk about anything. You do not have to give your name. Childline also offers one-to-one online chat and email support.

Childline ↗

For young people under 25.

The Mix offers support with feelings, family, money, housing, relationships and other issues. It provides online support, community discussion spaces and one-to-one counselling options.

The Mix ↗

Adults need someone to talk to as well.

YoungMinds Parents Helpline. For adults worried about a child or young person’s mental health. Call: 0808 802 5544. Open: weekdays; check the website for current hours.

YoungMinds Parents Helpline ↗

Family Lives. Support with parenting and family life. Call: 0808 800 2222. Open: Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm; weekends, 10am to 3pm.

Family Lives ↗

Contact. Support for families with disabled children. Call: 0808 808 3555.

Contact ↗

For any age, when talking out loud feels too hard.

Text SHOUT to 85258. Open: 24 hours a day, every day. Cost: free and confidential.

A trained volunteer will text back. You can talk at your own pace.

Shout ↗

For two weeks, write down:

• What happened.
• Where it happened.
• What happened just before.
• What helped.
• What made things harder.

Patterns can help schools, GPs and other professionals understand what support may be needed.

The SENCO is the Special Educational Needs Coordinator. They help organise support for pupils with additional needs.

Ask: “Can we start SEN Support?”

Schools can begin SEN Support without a diagnosis. Support runs through the Assess, Plan, Do, Review cycle: identify needs, plan support, try it, then review whether it is helping.

Take your notes to the GP and ask whether a referral for assessment is appropriate.

Ask for a copy of any referral letter, or ask the GP to explain what will happen next.

You can ask the local authority for an Education, Health and Care needs assessment. This may lead to an EHC plan, which is a legal document setting out a child or young person’s needs and support.

You do not need a diagnosis to make a request. Chapter 21 includes a template letter.